Sunday, February 21, 2010

....the emaciated drug using look would mean you were almost dead.



What do you have in a room full of tweekers?
'a complete set of teeth'

I don't get how someone can stand by and watch their friends/loved ones do drugs and not do something about it; boggles my mind. Isn't that one of the responsibilities that comes with 'friendship', honesty. I can truly say I have been guilty of punching one of my friends when I found out they were using drugs and of just straight out calling another friend out on it and telling them they look like shit and the funny thing is that they thought they looked good! In the wise words of my friend Shelly, the only person that can pull off that skinny sucked in coke addict look is Kate Moss and even she needs Photoshop.

KATE MOSS + DRUGS+ NO MAKE UP= BLAH

I realize getting into drugs can happen by accident..and I also realize some people have addictive personalities and they get into bad situations and one thing leads to another. But come on. Do you not realize you develop these weird and awkward body movements and horrible lying habits and yellow teeth if they don't fall out on you? Cuz that does not sound like something I want to look like or act like. SMARTIN UP!


NOTE: 
THIS IS NOT 
A GOOD 
LOOK FOR 
ANYONE!  



Didn't you people ever learn anything in D.A.R.E? 
(DRUG ABUSE RESISTANCE EDUCATION)

So, if boys were dogs, the only thing they would be getting addicted to would be their dog bones and gold fish crackers.  Not coke, not meth, not pills, not alcohol...cheesy delicious fish crackers. They wouldn't ever offer you any of there stash either to get you addicted and when it ran out that would be it. End of the fish. The only problem would be weight gain... not a beer gut, not a twitch, not weird body movements, just simple all over mild weight gain. 

Monday, February 15, 2010

... Valentines Day would still suck.

I realize today's blog isn't going to be that great so if you want to stop reading it right now by all means. I honestly have nothing to say. I don't like the holiday and I personally never have unless if you count when I was 5 and it meant getting lots of candy and cheesy cards from everyone in your class. 


So, with that being said..Yes, a blog a day late. Yes, an obvious title for this time of year. Yes, I received flowers. No, I am not bitter I have never really liked it; Halloween is better


SAINT Valentine’s Day is actually about a man named Saint Valentine who held secret marriage ceremonies for soldiers in opposition to Claudius II who had prohibited marriage for young men. Valentine was eventually executed on February 14, 270 AD. Thus, February 14th became a day for all lovers and Valentine became its Patron Saint.


So, if boys were dogs, every day would be St. Valentine’s Day. You wouldn’t need a day to remind someone what love truly is. ‘Love’ is every single day.  It is a feeling. It is forgiveness. It is acceptance. It is loyalty. It is truth. It is always wagging your tail even on the worst days and never turning down a moment to give way to many licks, ‘kisses’. 

Life is short. LOVE IS NOT.

PS. If you are a girl/guy and you go to hook up or make out with someone and they have a boyfriend or girlfriend… slap them in the face and tell them they are a disgrace to the human race and should be sterilized and put out on an island filled with snakes, cactus, sun, and no water.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

...they'd still be all about 'pussy' cats


Some dogs love balls. Some dogs love squirrels. Some dogs love bones. ALL dogs love PUSSY cats. When a dog sees a cat, unless it has had some pretty scary encounters, the dog will always, always run to the cat. It makes you wonder what about those fluffy,spraying, yowling, purring tyrants thats got dogs wound so up tight with hatred, obsession and joy.


Sounds like men. No matter what, they will ALWAYS keep coming back for more. Some women, the majority, will at some point get caught and walk away with battle scars, some more traumatic then others. This makes sense though...you have the guys who are gentlemen and the guys who are assholes. Others, we get away and perch on the fence laughing as they pathetically keep trying. While still others, simply and unexplainable fall for the damn dog. We all do it, every last one of us.


I believe the cat loves the chase just as much as the pussy crazed dog does. The dog just wants to catch the pussy cat.. the pussy cat just wants to prove she can get away from the dog and somewhere in all that nonsense they realize its much more fun to just cuddle.


Weirdly, there are those women that love to chase the dog. I have been fortunate enough to witness a dog crazed cat. So it goes both ways... but not often enough to warrant President Obama to issue a State of Emergency.


Moral of the story is... if your getting chased... don't look back and if you do happen to fall for the damn dog just make sure its after the best chase you ever had. Kind of like the movie Avatar. You don't pick him, he picks you.


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