..they still wouldn't know how to use their tongues

Tongues.. GROSS. Getting licked by dogs.. gross. Getting spit on.. gross. Spit.. gross. Anything that has to do with the mouth gross, ESPECIALLY, if it is from a dogs mouth. Dogs lick there hehaws and eat shit and then lick our faces, our mouths, our feet and the sad thing is we let them. GROSS. I am guilty of it.. my sisters are guilty of it. My mom is guilty of it. WE ALL are guilty of it. 

So why doesn't kissing gross us out? We are sticking our tongues, our spit, our breath, gross, into someone else's mouth, swallowing it, swirling it  around, and loving it. It gives us the chills. It makes us forget about everything going on around us. It is what makes us 'turned on', 'heated up', 'rearin to go'. GROSS.

Have you ever had someone kiss you and it is like a hard peg swirling around the inside of your mouth, jabbing your teeth and tongue and you aren't sure whether to be rude and say gross please stop or fake the fact that you might be sick when in fact you are or just tough through it and play nice? Or kissing someone and you are going to faint because you have had to hold your breath? OR it is really slimy and gross and you cant tell if food just was shoved down your throat or if it might be there slimy nasty gross tongue? EW. 

Moral of the story... pay attention to how you kiss. Dont use too much tongue.. gross, dont be slobbery.. gross, dont have a hard on with your tongue.. gross, dont choke the other person.. gross.. and please, please, please, dont suffocate me. OH and a big one.. if you have some weird blister.. DONT KISS ANYONE. Thanks.

<--Grossest picture I have ever seen!

If boys were dogs.. we all would still have to learn how to control our nasty dirty mouths and put them to good clean use :)

And also, I cant say it enough, and as always, dont kiss someone elses boy/girlfriend you slutty whore faces.

HAPPY ST PATRICKS DAY!

I saw Gene Simmons today; the guy from KISS. I also saw him buying Starbucks which means him and I have something in common. What is the point? Nothing at all; his hair needs help but who am I to judge my roots are starting to show.

I learned something the other day (thanks Pedro). I learned that in order for a guy or a girl to be happy and in a committed long lasting honest relationship you have to date below you or at least have yourself convinced that you are.  Makes sense to me. If you feel like you aren’t worthy of something you try a lot harder to keep it. So, stop aiming for the stars and instead go and get yourself a telescope so you can look a little deeper.

… and if boys were dogs this would mean Justin Timberlake and Jessica Beal are in trouble. Justin knows he is hot stuff. Jessica knows she is hot stuff. The thing is, if I had to take a wild stab into the dark, Justin wears the britches in the relationship. Moral of the story, you’re in my thoughts and prayers Jess. Don’t be surprised when you find out he cheated on you; I warned ya.

On that note, I thought when you cheat on someone you are supposed to upgrade? What is with this downgrading to a slutty easy whore?... O wait I got it... THERE EASY! Unless of course she doesn't know you have a girlfriend and in that case you need to go to church.

 If you are a guy and you are reading this… stop being a pansy who wants what is easy and go for what is a challenge... there are enough 16 year old pregnant girls now that MTV has to do a show. Also, girls are starting to get the impression that dumb Play Boy rabbits are what they need to look like to be considered hot and sexy and pretty.  I get it I get it, looks fade and plastic doesn’t. But you know what…smarten up, plastic is bad for the environment.

I always thought beauty came naturally? Well guess what, I still do, so chase that one with your easy cheap vodka shot.

...there'd still be a down side

So here I am, 10:21 at night, craving chocolate. Craving garlic cheese bread. Craving the cooling chocolate peanut butter cheesecake my mother made for me sitting mere feet from me yet still out of reach due to the law of baking. Don't worry, I settled for a bag of peanut M & M's and a cup of hot tea, or two.

Is that how it always is though and if it is should we maybe be worried?...things are either out of reach or so good that they are bad. You can never just have ice cream without calories or clothes without debt or a glass of wine without a hang over or the beach without sand in all the wrong places or a beer without a gut. Do all good things come with a downside? 

The answer, unfortunately, is yes. You cant have The Garden of Eden without an apple tree; even God knew what he was doing. Life is all about the temptations. It is all about self control, appreciating the good, and knowing what is best for you.  It all comes down to one decision, one bite, one night, one shot...If the apple could have spoken it would have still said "Eat me I dare you"...

Just a side note..who listens to a talking snake? I mean really... I thought people were crazy today..that must have been one heck of a snake. I know for a fact if I was standing by a tree and some snake came crawling over and started talking to me Id be running in the opposite direction even before it got the first hiss of a word out. Come on Eve..really? A snake? You fell for a snake..a talking snake. No wonder women fall for dumb idiot guys.. we listened to a damn snake trying to tell us to eat a piece of fruit. Not a bowl of ice cream, not a glass of wine, not a piece of cake... AN APPLE.

So, make the right choices. Appreciate the good in your life. Choose your friends wisely. Don't sleep with other peoples boyfriends. And stop counting calories-- just eat smaller portions. Oh, and go to church.